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Help Desk

Holden doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to drive,
because people don't treat cars like they do
computers. But, imagine if Holden had a helpline for people who treat cars
like computers....

HelpLine: "Holden HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"
HelpLine: "Did you put the key in the ignition and turn it?"
Customer: "What's an ignition?"
HelpLine: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and
turns over the engine."
Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all
these technical terms just to use my car?"

HelpLine: "Holden HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!"
HelpLine: "Is the petrol tank empty?"
Customer: "Huh? How do I know?"
HelpLine: "There's a little gauge on the dashboard with a needle and
markings from E to F. Is the needle on E?"
Customer: "Yes. So what does that mean?"
HelpLine: "It means you have to visit a petrol vendor and buy more petrol.
You can install petrol yourself or there are a few vendors who will install
it for you."
Customer: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have
to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything
built in!"

HelpLine: "Holden HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Your cars suck!"
HelpLine: "What's wrong?"
Customer: "It crashed, that's what wrong!"
HelpLine: "What were you doing?"
Customer: "I wanted it to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all
the way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed and it
won't start now!"
HelpLine: "It not our responsibility if you misuse the product.  What do
you expect us to do about it?"
Customer: "I want you to send me the latest version that doesn't crash any

HelpLine: "Holden Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it
has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes,
and power door locks."
HelpLine: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
Customer: "How do I work it?"
HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "Do I know how to what?"
HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!"

Courtesy: "Marina" marina-elizabeth @ Yahoo Groups






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Holden Dynamics Pty Ltd, Sydney NSW Australia.
Phone (02) 8011 4688
PO Box 1  The Oaks NSW 2570 . All Rights Reserved.

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